Why self harm? an article by Jonathan Pitt
A question that I have been posing myself for some time now is 'why do boys self harm?'. Having never had a self harming thought in my life apart from maybe 'I wonder what it feels like to touch that electric sheep fence?', I have found this question one of the more difficult ones to get my head around as a Housemaster of Boys' Boarding Houses.
Some of this article I shall be basing on academic evidence and some other areas will be my own personal experience of working within a boarding House and the ideas that I have ascertained from speaking pastorally to boys during my 15 years of teaching.
13 Reasons Why has been a phenomenon on Netflix. The first series saw an increase in boys asking me questions about mental health and actively encouraged a few boys to speak out and avoid any depression that they may or may not have been heading towards. The first series began a positive conversation within my boarding House and I was not one of the sceptics that saw it as an issue. However, what I have seen this year is younger boys watching the programme and this time talking purely to their friends. I have seen boys sneaking catch ups on their phones and then not taking time to reflect on the issues raised in the episode. The idea that they need to catch up and 'binge' the series has meant that boys are not using the series to reflect but are instead rushing through. Parallels can be drawn between this and the main character in the first series. The other pupils rushed the 'tapes' but our 'hero?' takes his time and reflects on each one.
This brings me to my own experience and where
reflection can be confused with over thinking things.
An incident happens, this same incident is then replayed over and over again in either the boy's own mind of via their mobile phone. This leads to over thinking that ultimately leads to a feeling of depression. I am not going to diagnose anyone with depression as I feel that these emotions and the 'disease of the big black dog' is something that can go hand in hand with self harm but they are not always linked.
The aforementioned feeling of being depressed or sad then leads to another thought. Self harm.
The quote I have heard is along the lines of 'but I can take my sadness and turn it quickly into another emotion'. Thereby we have the first step towards self harm - the quick fix of emotional states. One emotion of sadness can be quickly turned into the emotion of pain. This is the world of instant gratification, instant likes, instant amazon orders and now instant emotional change.
Now I must state that I am not an expert on psychology and am basing this purely on my experience of adolescent boys. The evidence suggests that self harm also produces an adrenaline rush due to the release of endorphins. This can then lead to the effect lessening over time and self harm getting worse in order to fulfil the initial feeling again. It is also said that teenagers that are exposed to friends or family self-harming become more likely to do it themselves.
This phenomenon is also something that I have experienced in previous schools. Sometime talking can make something less scary and can lead to it becoming something to try. I am always careful to never normalise self harming when talking to a boy and making sure that they understand the risks and dangers of what they are doing.
When the pupil talks to their friends, it can normalise the behaviour and this is where the contagious effect kicks in. Like with sexting, alcohol, drugs and smoking/vaping; teenagers are able to normalise behaviours and habits.
Another factor that I must mention is that sometimes self harming can get worse before it gets better. This blog is one I have delayed writing as I know that parents do not like the idea of self harming or its implications. The reaction when a parent first finds out about what their child is doing can sometimes put more weight and pressure onto their child. This can sometimes lead to more self harm as the child cannot deal with the emotional weight from their family. This problem was initially started by a child not coping with their own emotions and it should come as no surprise that they then struggle with other people's emotions.
The self harm rate is still much higher in girls than in boys. However, the fact that males can often internalise their problems means that self harm may be seen as an emotional step forward. If they can talk and externalise their emotions, it could avoid problems in later life. I am not saying in any way that self harm is good, however, I am saying that we may be able to help boys to talk.
Boys help each other when they are worried. The social media world means that as well as more boys seeing self harm as an option, it also means that they share their thoughts and even their images of harm with each other. This means that their friends can help, they can speak to the adult for them and the process of recovery can be started.
If any pupils are reading this and want to know more or want help, speak to someone or use the contacts below. This is something that you will beat but you may need help in doing so - click on a link now.
Some of this article I shall be basing on academic evidence and some other areas will be my own personal experience of working within a boarding House and the ideas that I have ascertained from speaking pastorally to boys during my 15 years of teaching.
13 Reasons Why has been a phenomenon on Netflix. The first series saw an increase in boys asking me questions about mental health and actively encouraged a few boys to speak out and avoid any depression that they may or may not have been heading towards. The first series began a positive conversation within my boarding House and I was not one of the sceptics that saw it as an issue. However, what I have seen this year is younger boys watching the programme and this time talking purely to their friends. I have seen boys sneaking catch ups on their phones and then not taking time to reflect on the issues raised in the episode. The idea that they need to catch up and 'binge' the series has meant that boys are not using the series to reflect but are instead rushing through. Parallels can be drawn between this and the main character in the first series. The other pupils rushed the 'tapes' but our 'hero?' takes his time and reflects on each one.
This brings me to my own experience and where
reflection can be confused with over thinking things.
An incident happens, this same incident is then replayed over and over again in either the boy's own mind of via their mobile phone. This leads to over thinking that ultimately leads to a feeling of depression. I am not going to diagnose anyone with depression as I feel that these emotions and the 'disease of the big black dog' is something that can go hand in hand with self harm but they are not always linked.
The aforementioned feeling of being depressed or sad then leads to another thought. Self harm.
The quote I have heard is along the lines of 'but I can take my sadness and turn it quickly into another emotion'. Thereby we have the first step towards self harm - the quick fix of emotional states. One emotion of sadness can be quickly turned into the emotion of pain. This is the world of instant gratification, instant likes, instant amazon orders and now instant emotional change.
Now I must state that I am not an expert on psychology and am basing this purely on my experience of adolescent boys. The evidence suggests that self harm also produces an adrenaline rush due to the release of endorphins. This can then lead to the effect lessening over time and self harm getting worse in order to fulfil the initial feeling again. It is also said that teenagers that are exposed to friends or family self-harming become more likely to do it themselves.
This phenomenon is also something that I have experienced in previous schools. Sometime talking can make something less scary and can lead to it becoming something to try. I am always careful to never normalise self harming when talking to a boy and making sure that they understand the risks and dangers of what they are doing.
When the pupil talks to their friends, it can normalise the behaviour and this is where the contagious effect kicks in. Like with sexting, alcohol, drugs and smoking/vaping; teenagers are able to normalise behaviours and habits.
Another factor that I must mention is that sometimes self harming can get worse before it gets better. This blog is one I have delayed writing as I know that parents do not like the idea of self harming or its implications. The reaction when a parent first finds out about what their child is doing can sometimes put more weight and pressure onto their child. This can sometimes lead to more self harm as the child cannot deal with the emotional weight from their family. This problem was initially started by a child not coping with their own emotions and it should come as no surprise that they then struggle with other people's emotions.
The self harm rate is still much higher in girls than in boys. However, the fact that males can often internalise their problems means that self harm may be seen as an emotional step forward. If they can talk and externalise their emotions, it could avoid problems in later life. I am not saying in any way that self harm is good, however, I am saying that we may be able to help boys to talk.
Boys help each other when they are worried. The social media world means that as well as more boys seeing self harm as an option, it also means that they share their thoughts and even their images of harm with each other. This means that their friends can help, they can speak to the adult for them and the process of recovery can be started.
If any pupils are reading this and want to know more or want help, speak to someone or use the contacts below. This is something that you will beat but you may need help in doing so - click on a link now.
Helplines and services available
Samaritans- www.samaritans.org
- If you're in distress and need support, you can ring Samaritans for free at any time of the day or night.
- Freephone (UK and Republic of Ireland): 116 123 (24 hours)
- Email: jo@samaritans.org
- www.childline.org.uk
- If you're under 19 you can confidentially call, email, or chat online about any problem big or small
Freephone 24h helpline: 0800 1111 - Sign up for a childline account on the website to be able to message a counsellor anytime without using your email address
- Chat 1:1 with an online advisor
- www.themix.org.uk
- If you're under 25 you can talk to The Mix for free on the phone, by email or on their webchat. You can also use their phone counselling service, or get more information on support services you might need.
- Freephone: 0808 808 4994 (13:00-23:00 daily)
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