Mental Health in a Boys' Boarding House

Before anyone switches off, thinking this will be another rant about 'anxiety' and the facts about male mental health and suicides, please read on for a while and give this a chance.

 

 

 

The first thing I believe is that there is still room for the idea of 'manning up' (but not the term itself). The reason I say this is that if we are to build resilience, we need to know the difference between a boy that is crying over a bruised knee that they think is a fracture and the next boy that is suffering in silence as their own world and world view crumbles around them. I hate the term 'man up' (mainly because girls are usually much better at doing this and also because it is a massively outdated term) but the boy with the knee needs to get over it and the second boy, needs help.

3/4s of all suicides in the UK are male. This fact was discussed on the radio this week and it was suggested that this ratio is echoed throughout the developed world. The facts is that men are suffering increasingly from mental issues and are not talking about it. They misunderstand the idea of being 'manly' with the idea of not trying to get help. Within a boarding House, the communication channel must be strong enough for boys to know that they can talk when they need to.

 

In my boarding House, I have created a variety of areas where boys, parents and anyone else can come and feel secure enough to talk about issues. I have also been careful to make sure that these areas do not look like a psychiatrist's offices. The result is that boys are becoming increasingly confident to talk. With some we have been able to help by simply looking at breathing patterns and mindfulness techniques, whilst others have needed more expertise help.

 

Natasha Devon talks about boys needing a 'tailored approach' to dealing with mental issues and that some have a stigma that they may want to talk but 'they don't want to have to talk all the time'. This is where, from my view, Housemastering can come into it. If a boy has come to me, opened up, been sent to see someone to talk about their feelings in more detail, the next time they see me in House it is my duty to be 'normal', whatever version of normal this may be. It may be that we sit in the office and watch football, it may be me just checking prep as I normally would, or talking about a detention or merit that they got that day. It could also be that I 'accidentally' bump into them before I head out to walk the dog. The great thing about the Housemaster job is that it is so varied, that I can resort to whatever 'hat' is needed at that moment to suit the boy involved. This means that it can always be suited to the boy involved and that the conversation can happen when the boy needs it to happen.

 

Sir, I have a sore ankle and can't do cross country = man up!

 

Sir, can we talk in the Green room  = of course, come on through.

 

Listening to the 'Flintoff, Savage and the Table Tennis guy' podcast 2 weeks ago saw them talking about the snowflake generation and the inability of millennials to deal with negative comments. This is well worth a listen and I must say that a lot of it is true with regard to boys. Many boys do need an honest comment, they don't need to be swallowed up with the idea of anxiety and needing to talk about issues all the time. However, some boys are not just 'snowflakes'. Some boys really do need to talk to start the process of getting help. This is where we need to be on the ball, this is where we need to make sure that boys are being treated as individuals, that we know the boys in our House and that we have our channels of communication in place to make sure that the boy that needs help, gets it and that they feel confident enough to talk about their issues and to begin receiving the help that they need.

 

Going to House Rugby and seeing your House win is a great feeling. However, helping to build up the confidence of boys in the House to talk, to get help they need and to become emotionally resilient to the issues that they face is what makes this job unique. When we retire and look back on the job that we have done, it is not the House singing competition that we will remember it will be the boys that we helped, the boys that we talked to first and created the confidence for them to talk and get better.